As I round out this series on lessons learned from 15 years of coaching, I’m sharing five more truths that have shaped my practice (and beyond!). Coaching is a never ending process of learning and exploring and the longer I work with the model, the more I realise how much there is to learn. Here are my final five insights, each one a game-changer in its own way.
11. People Really Fear ‘Difficult Conversations’
No matter how senior or experienced someone is, the words “difficult conversation” can send chills down their spine, and make them freeze. There is a tangible sense of dread for those moments where we have to deliver hard truths, address conflict, or ask for what we need.
What I’ve learned is that the fear of these conversations is often worse than the facing them. We can prepare and practice, and often realise we are far more capable than we thought. And sometimes, what we imagine will be a confrontation turns out to be a relief for everyone involved.
Lesson learned: A “difficult conversation” is just an important conversation in disguise.
12. Resist the Urge to Offer Advice (No Matter How Much You Want To)
Coaches love helping. But the moment we jump in with advice, we take the wheel away from the client. It’s so tempting to say, “Why don’t you just…?” but real growth happens when they come to their own conclusions.
It’s a constant battle, but I work hard to sit with the discomfort of silence, ask one more question, or simply reflect back what I’m hearing. Nine times out of ten, the client lands on a better solution than I could have given them – one that is a better fit for them.
Lesson learned: Advice feels good in the moment, but empowerment lasts longer.
13. Teach Them to Fish (Don’t Fix It for Them)
It’s human nature to want to jump in and fix things, but fixing is a short-term solution. Coaching is about equipping clients with the tools to solve problems on their own.
We’re helping clients to learn to rely on their own wisdom, so when a client asks, “What should I do?” my first response is always, “What do you think?” This is often met with surprise or even frustration at first, but over time, they begin to see the magic happen, and trust themselves.
Lesson learned: Solutions are nice; self-reliance is priceless.
14. Strive for Co-Creation
Inside and outside of the session room, always go for the co-creation option. Co-creation is about collaboration – brainstorming ideas together, building strategies as a team, and making the process as much theirs as it is yours. It’s how we unlock motivation, foster buy-in, and ensure the solution truly resonates.
This isn’t just a coaching principle though; it applies to life outside the session too. Whether we’re leading a project, managing a team, or organising a family event, aiming for co-creation shifts the dynamic. People are more engaged, committed, and excited about outcomes they’ve had a hand in shaping.
Lesson learned: Forget “my way or the highway” – collaboration fuels ownership and drives real results.
15. Trust Your Gut
This one has taken me years to fully embrace. As a coach, your gut instinct often picks up on things your brain can’t explain – an unspoken hesitation, a shift in tone, or a missed connection between ideas.
When I’ve trusted my gut, it’s led to questions that open new doors. When I’ve ignored it, I’ve often missed an opportunity to go deeper. Trusting your instincts isn’t just about intuition; it’s about honouring your experience and the signals you’re picking up in the moment.
Lesson learned: Your gut knows more than you think. Listen to it.
These final five lessons bring my list to a close, but the learning never really ends. Coaching is a continuous journey, and every experience teaches me something new. Which of these lessons resonates with you the most?