Fifteen years as a coach has taught me a lot about people, growth, and occasionally biting my tongue. Some lessons were hard-won; others came with a good laugh (usually at my own expense). Coaching is a continuing journey, and today, I’m sharing five (of 15 – see what I did there:-) ) insights that have stuck with me.
They are numbered but in no particular order of importance.
- You Can Lead a Horse to Water, but You Can’t Force It to Drink (or Do a SWOT Analysis)
Here’s the thing: no matter how much you want someone to take action, they’ve got to want it too. I’ve worked with brilliant people who nod along enthusiastically in sessions and then… do absolutely nothing.
That used to bother me, and even question my effectiveness. Then I realised my role isn’t to force anyone to drink the proverbial water — it’s to make them thirsty enough to want it. Coaching works best when the person is ready to show up and do the work. If they’re not? Well, the horse gets to stay thirsty.
Lesson learned: You can offer tools, insights, and encouragement, but the real work happens when they’re ready to pick up the reins.
- Self-Coaching? Nice idea, But nope.
Ever tried giving yourself a pep talk in the mirror, only to end up arguing with yourself? Yeah, me too. The truth is, we all have blind spots. That’s why even coaches need coaches.
When I’ve tried to DIY my own coaching, I’ve learned one thing: I’m fantastic at rationalising my own excuses. Having someone else hold up the mirror is what makes the difference.
Lesson learned: Coaching yourself is like giving yourself a haircut — possible, but way better with a professional.
- Don’t Take It Personally (Even When It Feels Personal)
This one took a while to sink in – and still gets me. Sometimes, clients cancel, ghost, or show up with a bad attitude. Early on, I’d wonder if it was something I said—or didn’t say. Now, I know better. People bring their full lives to coaching, and it’s rarely about you.
The same applies to life outside of coaching. Feedback, disagreements, or rejections usually say more about the other person’s state of mind than your worth.
Lesson learned: Unless someone directly insults your taste in coffee or footwear, don’t take it to heart.
- Coaching Loved Ones? Hard Pass.
I’ve learned this one the hard way (multiple times). You might think you can help your partner navigate a tricky work situation or coach your sibling through a big decision. Spoiler alert: they’ll see you as “nagging” long before they see you as a coach.
Coaching requires neutrality, and when emotions or history are involved, neutrality flies out the window. Save yourself the frustration and just stick to being supportive without trying to fix them.
Lesson learned: Love them, cheer for them, but don’t try to coach them—unless you want dinner to get awkward.
- Practice and Consistency Beat Motivation Every Single Time
Motivation is great, but it’s fickle. One day it’s your best friend, the next it’s ghosting you. What gets results? Showing up, even when you don’t feel like it. Coaching clients often wait for the perfect moment to act—but the truth is, small, consistent steps beat grand plans every time.
Whether it’s leadership, fitness, or learning a new skill, it’s about building habits, not waiting for inspiration.
Lesson learned: Motivation gets you started; habits keep you going.
These are just the first five lessons from 15 incredible years of coaching. They continue to shape the way I work, and they’ve saved me from a lot of unnecessary headaches.
Part 2 coming soon…